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:iconsummerrayn: More from SummerRayn


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June 19, 2011
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I often find myself wondering
what my family would think if they ran into me now,
the differences that would stand out to them
from the last time they saw me, a year ago.
I usually stop at the obvious:
purple hair, eyeliner, thirty extra pounds.
I used to hope they'd stumble across me
sometime when I was at my most lost and lonely,
a selfish snapshot wished on them at my lowest.
That would show them, make them understand.
But now, today, I wish they could drive by
right this instant, and see me on the sidewalk,
loaded down with grocery bags
full of fresh fruit and sweet tea,
cradling an armful of giant sunflowers,
in love with June, and laughing
just because I don't have room for all this happiness
inside of me.

A postcard sent home.
Greetings from sunny My Life. Having fun.
Have mostly given up
Wishing you were here.
Oh my gosh I am going to murder this poem and everything it loves. It is giving me such issues. For one, it really actively irritates me that all my poetry these days are these dumb diary subjects. Even though on some level I realize that it's stupid to be mad that all you can write about is your life, geez, who does that, right. But I can't come up with anything eelllllsssse. And where did my ability to do images go. Why do I always feel like I'm telling and not showing. Guh.

But also I feel like this poem somehow missed the point thematically. Like the last section comes off as a big "hang you, Imma be happy and see how you like THAT" or a "well I'm giving up and faking happy" or something which is ugh not how it's supposed to sound at all. It's supposed to be more like "I wish they could see me now just to know that everything is finally all right, I'm happy and that's good." I don't know what to do or how to change it. I thought of adding an "all my love" to the end of the 'postcard' sentiment, but that seems like a much weaker ending than what I've got. Thinking of changing the "mostly" to "finally"?

And of course I always hate my titles.

SOMEBODY HELP ME DISSECT THIS SUCKER AND MAKE IT WORK. I AM BEGGING.
:iconmissdudette:
MissDudette Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2011
So much hate for such a neat little poem.
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:iconsummerrayn:
SummerRayn Featured By Owner Jun 21, 2011
I know, I was kind of starting to froth about it! XD But I was trapping myself in this cycle of WRITING FRUSTRATION and agh. Some grudging distance of time has resulted in my acknowledging that it's not as bad as I thought but it's still... not quite right. Ngh. *Neverendingly self-critical*
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:iconmissdudette:
MissDudette Featured By Owner Jun 24, 2011
Well, I do like it. :). Just know that you can make a hobby into a chore if you don't keep it easy and have fun with it. :).
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