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:iconsummerrayn: More from SummerRayn


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Submitted on
August 12, 2011
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You never really liked villains before,
never much understood the whole
sympathy-for-the-devil angle.
But as you sit across from her
bent over her cheerios, frowning slightly,
bits of white fluff from her bathrobe
caught in her dark hair like seafoam,

you realize your favorite villain would be
any who had to go against
that. She feels your eyes and looks up,
turning the frown on you,
her mouth a delicate knot just off center.
"Stop, stop," you cry, choked with fellow-feeling
for the imagined opponent,
and your words hang startled in the air,
glowing in the yellow morning sunlight
coming in through the window.
Back to bad titles. I don't know, I just woke up and wrote this at 4 AM and then went back to sleep.
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:iconhalatia:
Halatia Sep 10, 2011  Professional Writer
I feel like the second stanza is mostly unnecessary. THe impact point is on "that". I think it would be beautiful to close right there.
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:iconmimsykins:
Mimsykins Aug 18, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Really cool. I am bad with the whole constructive analysis thing, so I am leaving it there.
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:iconmissdudette:
Love the "hang startled in the air" bit, A LOT. :)
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:iconmissdudette:
Glad you wrote it!
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:iconconfusedandmoving:
ConfusedAndMoving Aug 12, 2011  Hobbyist Writer
Lovely. I don't quite get the second verse, but I like it quite a bit.
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